Thanh+Ha

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Reflection

Knock, Knock. “Who is it?” I said “Please come in!” “It’s me honey”, I heard my mom's voice. She opened the door quietly, “I have something to tell you.” “Mom, what is it? Is there anything wrong?” I asked. For a second, I felt strange, a feeling that I couldn’t put into words. “Look, honey, your dad has found himself a better job and ...” “Great. Then, we don't have to worry about the money issue anymore”. “Yes, dear, but...” “But what, mother?” “We are going to move to the south, where your dad's new job is”. I frowned, for a moment I couldn’t talk. My eyes were wide open, but I couldn’t see clearly. “That...that can’t be, I don’t want to. I was born here, all my friends live here, I belong to this place”, I yelled. I felt... “Please, calm down, we will go to visit Ha Noi often you can meet your friends then.” “Nooooooo.” “Honey, we have no choice.” “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Mother, please just leave me alone.” I said My mother seemed really sad. She said, “We will talk after you calm down”, and she walked out.

The day of our move came sooner than I expected. I stood in front of the doors of plane, bewildered. “Good bye”, I whispered quietly and made my way onto the plane. When we reached Ho Chi Minh City, it was already night. I watched the city from the window of the plane as we slowly landed. There was a knock on the door. “Darling, tomorrow, I will take you to your new school. It is a very beautiful school your uncle has found for you.” “I don’t need a beautiful school; don’t you know what I want?” I yelled at her angrily. “Honey, I do.” “Noooo, you don’t.” I stood up and walked of out the room, slamming the door behind me.

On the next day, mother drove me to school. “Class, listen up. Today we have a new student coming from the north, please welcome Nhi”, the teacher said. “Well, ah, hello... my name is ...Nhi. Please support me in the future.” CLAP...CLAP... Behind the sound of clapping, I heard giggle and whispers. “What an accent she has there - it sucks!” “From now on, your seat will be over there,” the teacher said, pointing at the seat next to the window. I walked towards it and felt the glare of many eyes following every step I made. I sat down on my seat and sighed. The class that day wasn't really hard. I think that if I tried, I might be able to fit in the academic side at least. At recess, three girls come to talk to me. “Hello! My name is Van, and this is Hong and Huong,” she looked at the other two girls at her side,“nice to meet you”. “My name is Nhi, nice to meet you too,” I said shyly.

Ever since that day, I started to hang out with them. One morning, Van asked, “Hey, let’s hang out at the movies this weekend. It ends at about 10pm and then we can go out afterwards.” We all agreed. That evening, I got home and my mom was sitting right on the couch. I asked her if I could hang out with my friends on the weekend. “Uhm! Ah...” “Please, mom.” “Alright, try not to come home too late, OK,” she said.

On the morning after that, I woke up feeling fresh. I can hear the birds singing and for the first time since we moved I noticed the fresh air of the morning sky. “Hurry up darling, or else you going to be late for class.” I hurried to my feet. I walked along the hallway, an excited feel in my chest as I reached my classroom door. “Nhi huh, I dun know wot to say, she’s kinda naive,” I heard to voice from the inside “Yeh, I thought she would be a bit more... fashionable I guess.” "Ha...Ha...Haaaaaa" "And you know, her accent is so, so funny." For that moment, I frowned. I thought "everything will going to be ok" ... BUT, I felt dizzy, my heart began to thump faster and faster and eventually, I fell to the ground. "Oh! You heard what they just said, Nhi?" a mean girl in my class appeared from behind. I could not say a word. “I know that you don’t want to listen to me right now but you better change yourself fast if you want to fit in,” she said.

For the whole day, my mind kept thinking about their word over and over again. Am I that unfashionable and nerdy? I question myself. Then I heard a voice appear right inside my head. "CHANGE NHI. Do it, show them who you really are," that voice whispered. "I AM GOING TO CHANGE", I said to myself. If I want to fit in, this is the only way. So I broke my piggybank and took all the money, then I took a bus straight to the mall. As I walked into the hairdresser, I shivered. One of the hairdressers walked towards me and asked gently, “What hair cut do you want?” I took all my strength and said “Please curl the end of my hair and then dye it blond.” He looked a bit surprised but he said nothing.

My heart is thumping so hard I could not stop shivering. I start to sweat as I walked along the hallway to my class. "I wonder what they will react." I wondered. "There the door is, calm, walk in Nhi, as if everything is still the same." “OMG! Seriously, look who’s there?” “Well! Uhm! I decided I should change a bit. Does it look weird?” I asked quietly. “No, no. It looks good on you. Nice,” Huong said. After that, we hung out more and more each week. Eventually though I realized something was not really right. It just a feeling, but it was so real that sometimes it frightened me. This morning, I had a weird dream. I was standing in the middle of nowhere and there were red eyes staring at me everywhere from behind the tree. Even when I already woke up, the dream followed me. I close eyes and tried the force it out of my mind, but I couldn’t. I walked along the hallway to my class, I wondered, “Could the dream I have this morning have any meaning?” and reached my hand toward the classroom door. “You know yesterday's party was so cool.” “Your party rocked.” I felt pressure in my chest. Say what? They had a party and did not invited me? Before I could controlled myself, I pushed the door open. “What party, why wasn't I invited.” Their eyes opened widely as they looked at me. But they kept silent. “Hey, say something.” “Well we was planning on telling you this, well, we don’t want to hang out with you anymore. Sorry! But we're just not the same as you.” For the second I felt like I could not breath. My head started to spin. I could not said a word. They turned and walked away. I DONT KNOW WHY IS IT ? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

That afternoon I arrived at my house feeling restlessly and my chest hurt. I walked into my room, slamed the door and tried to get some nap. And... I skiped dinner that night. Eventhrough I stay on bed for almost 2 hours, I could not sleep. All my muscles were aching. So I sit up and started to think. I always tried my best to fit with them, I hang out with them in the mall even when I dont want to. I used to hate going to crowned place but I did it, cause of them. They used to said that they like to hang out with me, they said I’m naiva and cute, I still is. Then WHY? I looked into the mirror, but then it reflect nothing, nothing like me. All I can see was a curly playgirl sitting in a corner with her face ful of makeup. It was not me, not the “me” that I know of. A question pop into my head “DID I CHANGE THAT MUCH?”

The next morning "Hey guys, wait please!” “Nhi, we have nothing more the talk I believe.”  “Well I want to talk to you guys about something. Please can you just listen for a min?”  “Well! Alright.”  “I stay thinking the whole night last night and I realised I have changes, but actually, all these changes including the hair style to my own accent, I changes it so that I would fit with you guys." "Wait! What did you just said. Because of us?" I nobbed "We actually like you the way you are more. Why did you think so? We like you the way you are." "But I heard you guy said on the other day, in the class about..." "Oh you heard? sorry that just our first thought." she said "Sorry for making you felt that way, friend again." "Friend again." And we all huged. That moment, I knew that I have got myself true friend who dont care about my out look.