NIna

Dream

I nervously lifted my feet off the bed, praying that it was the floor, not a deep lake. Fortunately, it was my wooden floor. Last night, I had a nightmare. I saw myself swallowed by a stream of blackish water. At the lakeside, a person in blue shirt waved at me, one corner of the mouth was pulled up, dragging a half – smile of out the lips. ><><>< I woke up. My parents went to work, and the house was empty. They were always busy. The summer holiday lagged as slow as a snail. Home alone, I was dead bored. My life was an insipid life. I didn’t want to commute to that complex world. Every morning I went to school and then came home. I was such an invisible boy with no friends and relationships. Suddenly, I realized in my room stored a huge bunch of blue cold furniture. The blue bed sheet, also the blue t – shirt I threw on floor. It reminded of the blue face in my nightmare still haunted me. I looked around, and oh my GOD, the walls were blue painted too!!!!!! ><><>< For a short time, I realized that I was probably being paranoid. Every night, I had the nightmare with that blue figure. It caused me to be obsessed with things blue. I didn’t dare tell anyone. Who would believe it? It was so creepy. I knew every night that the nightmare would return. When the darkness approached, it brought fear and panic with it. ><><>< My breath was stuck. My throat froze and even my heart stopped beating. However, I could still think. That blue figure was standing in front of my face, stared at me with the sharp eyes. ‘BANG’, my head hit the floor. I sat up immediately “Where am I?” I felt scared! It; was just a nightmare. The green number of my electric clock lit the dark space around it: 3:45 am. I was awake, looking into the night. The light switch was too far to reach and I didn’t want and dare to touch the icily cold wooden floor. ><><>< Okay. The sad part was that the blue person became my only partner. Strangely, the dream about him was no longer as scary. “Who are you? Whataya want from me?” I called out. My fear turned to curiosity. “I wanted to meet the blue person!” ><><>< The dream came again that night. // The blue person was sitting inside the field, picking up the gravel. Everything around us was pure white. I once again appeared behind that figure. Wait… it was actually a little girl with her shoulder – length, black hair. My feet moved toward her, I called: // // “Hey! Who the hell are you?” // // As I grew closer, I recognized that she wore the blue hospital pyjamas. Her cute and innocent face expressed a sad and cold look. // // “Lu ––” // // Her mouth emitted a little sound. I realized that she was not dangerous. She seemed to be about my age. I sat down: “Your name is Lu? Why the heck do you always in tempt my sleep?” // // “Please don’t be mad.” Lu whispered, “I slept, you slept and we met… in our dream.” // // That was the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard. // // “Liar!” I shouted // // “No. I was so lonely and went to sleep. Maybe you were lonely too. It is simple if the same ideal meets each other, right?” she spoke more quickly. // // Surprised, I said “Ye… ah”. // ><><>< Lu was quite funny but also a bit shy. She made me realize how that life was so much better if you have a friend. I was older than her by one year, she was fourteen. I asked her why she wore the hospital pyjamas. She didn’t reply. // “Trí ah, I used to have a big brother who was same age as you. He loved me and yeah… stuffs.” She rolled her eyes. // // “Where is he?” // // Lu pointed up “He is living somewhere up there. Since he had moved, I was so lonely and sad. That was why I went to sleep.” // // My hand was buried in her soft hair, I rubbed her head: “Sad right? But you’ve got a new brother now.” I pointed to my chest. // // Lu was giggling. // ><><>< Having Lu as my sister made me feel quite good. Life was not as boring as before. I was thankful for Lu, who brought to me a taste of life. However, sometimes, I wondered, what would happen if Lu woke up? She seemed to always be asleep. Perhaps it was related to her brother’s death? ><><>< Everyone in my class was surprised because of me. I opened my heart and talked to my classmates. // “Well, you’ve got new friends, no more loneliness, eh?” she asked me suddenly. // // “Kind of. But it’s all because of you. If I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t be that friendly. But hey, don’t leave your brother. Ok? If you leave me, I will be upset and for God’s sake, my grey face will come back. Ah! I want to meet you in the real life. Not in dream!” // // “Well...” she was humming but no answers. It suddenly freaked me out. But I ––– // Ring! Ring!!! The clock alarmed like a rabbit. I hurriedly slid out of my bed, in my boring mood like every day. There was a note on my desk: “Visit grandma afterschool at the hospital – Mom.” ><><>< I hated hospitals with their massive crowds! My grandma was well again. So I went outside the hall. My feet led me as my feeling with no direction, imaging about my little Lu was wearing the blue pyjamas, just like the other patients. … “Lu, my Lu…” A voice calling her name rushed into my ears. A real voice, not a voice inside my head! I whirled along fast to it. And there was Lu in Room 108. Her cute, innocent face has a sad expression. The blood rushed to my feet and I felt as if I was going to faint. She was lying on a white bed, eyes closed although her parents were melting in their sadness and sorrow. I knew they were painful, because I was shocked and could not believe in my eyes, too. My anger rose in my throat because I love her so much. She hid this from me! “The sickness, in theory is out of danger. The main thing is her effort. If she wants to wake, she will, but if she doesn’t want to, I’m afraid…” the doctor bared all the things he needed to say. I listened, but I didn’t dare to go in, I hid myself behind the door. ><><>< I caught the doctor’s shoulder when he went to the hall, asking about Lu’s sickness. “Are you a relative of Lu?” asked the doctor. “Just a friend.” Seeing my honesty, the doctor told me: “She’s a depressed patient. She’s left out by the world and community around. She had a home schooling education. That was her parents’ mistake. About two or three years ago, they took her here to have a treatment. But it was useless. The sickness was growing worse until her brother’s death last year in a car accident. Her grief was so intense, she fell into a coma.” For God’s sake! The little girl seemed to be my sister and I loved her as I love my life was depressed. My silly Lu! How came she was so weak? I was coming out of my shell more and more each day, but Lu was building her shell thicker and thicker. “Depression?? Coma? A year??” I babbled as I didn’t believe it. “Where were you Trí? I was looking for you, home, now!” my mother suddenly came and pulled me away. ><><>< // “Lu! Are you crazy?? Think about it. If you keep sleeping like this, you will die! You know that, don’t ya?” I snapped. // // “But I don’t want to wake up. I’d rather die than live in that dark, cold world!” She glared her icily eyes to me, full of brine. // // “Lu ah, that world, it is not that kind of dangerous and dark ––––” I lowered my voice. // // “What the hell do you know about that freaking world? It stole my brother. It pulled my parents to the boring work. It ––––” Her voice was broken. The teardrops ran down on her cold face. // // “Your parents went to work because of you my dear.” // // “No! They left me alone! At least here I’ve you. Outside there, there was only me in the empty lifeless apartment,” Lu dropped her knees bent down to the wooden ground. // // Hugged and kissed her on the forehead, I kneeled down: “Your parents knew their mistake. I saw them trying to fix it. They actually care about you.” // // “Really?” she looked up. “Indeed.” I replied and swept away her tears. // ><><>< “Miss, I am a relative of Lu. How is she?” I asked the nurse. “Well, there’s no change, but she did blink her eyes three times this week. It’s a good sign.” The nurse said. “Thank you.” I was excited. Her pain was healing. ><><>< // I met Lu again. She was playing on the wooden swings. // // “Congratulation babe! It’s time to wake up.” My spirit was so high. // // “No! I am not gonna wake up!” // // “What? But you were trying to open your eyes.” I gasped. // // “I tried. But all the coldness and the strange faces stopped me. I just­­ // –– //can’t.”// // “How foolish!” my anger rose up like hell. // // “So don’t mind about me!! I’m fool, are you happy now? I’m too scared to wake up and face that world.” Her hands covered either side of her head, as she held her head. // // “No! Please my Lu. Listen, you need to wake up. Open your eyes. Wake up ––” I kept repeating the phrases “Open your eyes” and “wake up”. // // Lu’s hand kept wrapping her head tightly, her face was twisted with pain. I wanted to stop. I knew that she was hurting. I’d rather die than see her broken – hearted. I knew when she woke up, she would forget all of this, and also me... But no! She needed to wake up. Even if she forgot me, I couldn’t meet her again in my dreams. I still hoped that she’d open her eyes and overcome the awful sickness. “Open your eyes, darling. Wake up!” // // An oval hole was broke open as the ground was trembling. I knew that her body was trying wake up. I could see her parents’ faces, the doctors and the nurses, while Lu’s soul was sitting above, hiding her face under her little hands. // // And… // // I pushed her off the swing through the oval hole. Her surprise shout echoed in my ears. // // Quietly, I swept away the teardrops. // I woke up at five to five o’clock in the morning. I softly blinked as fell a tear dropped on the blue bed sheet. “Sorry my Lu, but you need to live and fit in to the community. Your better life is my better life.” I sank quickly to my sleep again. This time there were no dreams and it was peaceful till the sun had raised high in the sky. I found my pillow was wet. ><><>< Three months later… For me, life is so great now. It doesn’t bring me boredom like before. I’m confidently walking downtown on Đ ồ ng Kh ở i Street. Suddenly, I glide past a familiar figure, with cold and sad expression, but cute and innocent face. … Is that my Lu? Yes, she’s my Lu who is sitting in the Continental Hotel coffee shop. Yes, it’s exactly my Lu. I want to run to her and hug her like before. My heart was beating like the first time I’ve met her. I –– But… Lu looks through me, with her beautiful eyes. There is no hint of recognition. What did I expect? “Have we met?” It’s Lu. My heart hurts. I want to spill out all the moment we used to share... I want to say out loud many things, we used to play a whole night, we used to hug, we used to… But I just can drag a half – smile which looks like I’m crying. “No, we haven’t. Maybe in our dream.” Yes, only dreams. The end. Nina Thao Nguyen Saigon 2009.