Anne

**HOLES**
Ho Chi Minh City is penetrated painfully. Every street is a small construction site. Every small construction site has a hole. A deep, deep hole. Within the four walls of the boundary, mud and soil mix with the air and stick to the workers’ faces, suffocating and itchy. Their dirty clothes and knitting eyebrows all tell stories about a day of working until you are out of breath. The crowd of people lazily inches bit by bit on the road. Smoke and dirt whirl invisibly above their heads, creeping into their mouths and going through their brains. Their sweaty clothes and darkening eye bags all tell stories about days of not getting enough sleep. Vy tilts her head to look around; a dreamy look is worn on her face. For a moment, the world is fading away. Real colours are replaced by a dim and unattractive grey. Like a picture with peeling paint. Like the covers those people have built to keep themselves within. It takes a few minutes to bring her back to the real world, where the ugly truth still exists, where she is trapped in a place without mercy. The crane of the scooping truck hangs above the workers’ heads, ready to pick them up and throw them into the holes. Vy is stunned by the view; her heart is beating out of chest. Everything stops moving around. Her eyes glower and she waits for their screams when they are lifted up. A second is gone and nothing happens. The crane passes by their heads and pokes straight down to the ground, scratching the soil before moving up again. Vy’s breathe is steady, her heart stops racing dreadfully. She stands still, watching the crane does its work. Each time the crane pokes down into the ground, it makes the hole deeper. Her heart beats achingly as her eyes follow each movement of the crane, like it has left a hole, inside her as well. She can feel it, the smarting bruises at the heart of Ho Chi Minh City is as hers. // “Stop it! Stop saying that!” Lan cried out as tears started to run down her cheeks. // // “Shut up! How dare you talk to me that way? Don’t you see how disappointed mother is? It’s your fault!!” Trung’s face was purplish red. // // “How can you treat me that way? I’ve done everything!! I gave you a child!!!” // // “I want a son!!! A SON! This house needs an inheritance. And that can’t be a girl!” He stormed out of the room, leaving her sobbing violently behind. // // Vy crawled out from the corner. She stayed there to hide away from her anxious father and accidentally heard the whole conversation. Ahah! That was why her father had always been so cold to her ever since she was born, and the entire paternal family. No one liked her. // // She crawled towards her crying mother. Both of them were silent until her mum suddenly turned to Vy. Lan’s eyes were anxious with determination. She shook Vy’s shoulders fiercely: // // “You have to be the best, Vy. THE BEST! You saw it, and if you wanted to prove them that you aren’t useless, you have to beat them all. Show them that you can do everything!” // Vy wheels her bike home. It creaks and echoes up and down the street. She stops by the river. Slowly and timidly, she spreads her arms out and enjoys the golden moment when the breeze caresses her face. She is flying across the river. The wind lifts her up high, nearly touching the sky. She raises her voice for a scream… And she comes back to where she is. It is a rare moment of freedom. She wipes her eyes, straightens her back, tightens her fists and walks home. Vy is dreaming. She’s standing in front of the crane again, but this time, she’s inside the boundary, observing everything clearly. The crane is dark red. A red that sends shiver down her spines and she freezes. She stands there with her eyes wide open. She watches as the crane pokes its giant teeth into the ground. Dirt and mud and soil whirl in the air, suffocating and itchy. Each poke penetrates a deeper hole. Too deep, too deep… Her feet can’t bear to stand properly on the ground; her teeth chatter; goose bumps appear on her body; she feels cold. The crane digs down, deeper and deeper. Vy feels the blood in her body drain out. It flows out at the place in the left, her heart. It bleeds uncontrollably as the hole gets deeper. Until, it explodes. The crane has reached its final goal. It touches the heart of Ho Chi Minh City. Blood and soil mix together. She is shot right out of the boundary. She hears a familiar laughter from the crane. Her father… And she wakes up. Trung gives Lan a sharp slap to her face and pushes her down onto the floor. As he’s about to give Lan another one, Vy elbows between them two and catches the slap for her mother. Her face is swollen red. She stands straight with her chin up high and glares at him with fire burning in her eyes. “YOU!!! GET OUT!!!” He yells to her face. Vy still stands there like a statue. She doesn’t move, not even just a bit. Trung’s face gets redder and redder; he gives her three more slaps before Lan pushes her away. “How dare you hit me like that?? I sacrificed a lot for you! And now you treat me this way!!! You and your corrupt family!! Go and DIE!!!” She pushes him down onto the floor and hits him fiercely. “She’s a girl but she’s thousand times better than those retarded naughty kids in your family. I told you, right? That I would show you all! I would show you that you’re NOTHING!!! I’ll repay everything! Everything you’ve done to me!!” She screams into his face as tears shed endlessly. “GET OFF ME!!!! You filthy woman!!!” He tries to push her away. They tangle on the floor abusing each other. Both of them pay no attention to the little girl standing stunned right in front of them. She is whirling as thousand of thoughts fly through her head. “What did she just say? She only used me for her advantage?” She murmurs absentmindedly. She tries to stand still, but the floor is turning around and around. Her feet are shaking uncontrollably, her hands are shivering. She wants to cry, but tears just won’t flow out. Suddenly, a strong wave hit her. She yells: “ENOUGH!!! BOTH OF YOU!!! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!!” Lan and Trung stop momentarily to look at their daughter. Vy’s face is hard with no emotion. She just stands there, looking at them with soulless eyes. “I’m getting out of here. So you’re free.” She says as she turns her heels towards the front door, leaves behind her parents screaming her name. “VY!!!” She’s running, running with all her strength. She runs across many alleys and streets, with no particular destination in her mind. She just runs, run to ease the pain that nearly explodes in her heart. And she finds herself in front of the familiar place. Familiar, but different. The boundary is gone. And there’s no more construction site. All that is left is an ugly patched up street. Concrete fills up the hole. The heart of Ho Chi Minh City is safe now. The deep hole can’t reach it. It is healed, but forever left with a scar. Her heart stops bleeding, but scars are carved permanently there. They’ll never be mended. She slowly walks to the river. She remembers the moment when the burden on her shoulders was so heavy that she wanted to break down. She remembers that it was right here, she suffered alone, with only the breeze from the river to console her. And now, the burden is gone, but she feels lost. No one has her back. The burning scars are aching and they’re tearing her body into pieces. Arms surround her torso, she is weak. The sun is rising up. A new day has come. And tear-drops are falling.

By Tram Anh Vo HCMC, 04.03.2010 // For my city, where I have always belonged. //